I had a milestone this week. I busted out the breast pump for the first time. That was interesting. It was a lot of parts at first but I have figured it out now. I have started pumping once a day for now to start building up a freezer supply for Scotty when we start bottle feeding next week. Praise the Lord for that. I think we are going to only give one bottle right now to start out and make sure that she will still want to feed with me. Scotty will be taking that 3AM feeding solo from now on. I haven't told him that yet : )
I love being a mother. I love looking at her, snuggling her, knowing that she needs me, and so much more. It is hard though too. I am still learning her and she is still learning me. I am trying to understand her cries and what she wants. Since she is doing so well with a schedule, it has become easier. There are some times though that I just don't know what she wants and she probably doesn't either and then my mom can "fix" her in one second. I know that it will come with time and experience but it is nerve racking to think about being here alone. Scotty feels the same way. He was trying to get her to sleep for 45 minutes last night and she just wasn't having it. She wasn't upset, she was just wide awake. He finally came and got me and I took her and within a matter of minutes she was asleep. He did not understand what he was doing wrong and I know that it made him feel insecure. I just got lucky at that point. I think she had worn herself out with him and she was finally ready to sleep. I told him that I don't have a clue either and that she didn't come with an instruction manual and that we are all 3 still learning. I was trying to make him feel better. I know that it is hard for him too because he is gone all day and feels like he isn't getting as much time to learn her ways. I am home all day with her and I get more opportunities to ask my mom questions if I don't know what she wants or what to do. I keep reassuring him that he is a wonderful dad and that we will get it. I told him too - last night she may have just missed him and didn't want to sleep while she was with him. She wanted to hang out with her Daddy.
I still get freaked out when nighttime rolls around. It causes me a lot of anxiety. I am deathly afraid of SIDS and I just want to sit up and watch her and make sure that she is breathing. I know that I cannot live my life like that with all that anxiety because it isn't good for me or her but it is still hard. I am doing better and I keep telling myself that I can't live like that and that I need my sleep for her and that seems to help. Plus since she wakes up so often that helps to reassure me and I set an alarm in case she doesn't wake up in her normal 2-3 hour window. Scotty is worried about that as well. He gets very nervous about anything being remotely near her mouth or if her head is turned in either direction and not facing straight on while she is sleeping. Guess it shows that we care : )
Mom and I have been walking everyday with Charlotte. It is nice to get out of the house and get some fresh air - for all of us. It is hard to sit around all day and nurse her or sleep. It feels good to get my blood flowing. It helps my swelling as well. I still have some in my feet and legs that is bothering me. The doctor said it could be a couple of weeks before it goes down. It has gotten a lot better though.
Today (1 week 1 day) was a milestone for Charlotte. Her belly button fell off! Gross! But it is sooo much easier to work with out that thing on there. It freaked me out. I was so scared I would accidentally pull it off in the night when I couldn't see. I am glad that it is gone. It will be much easier to bathe her as well. I was resting when it came off. Mom was holding her and she started to fuss and it was time to eat so mom came to get me and in the time she went from downstairs to upstairs and back down again it had fallen off. She had checked her diaper and it was on then she was going to snap her back up after coming to get me and it had come off and mom couldn't find it. When she told me it came off and she couldn't find it, all I could think about was the Sex and the City episode where Miranda's baby's belly button falls off and her cat starts playing with it. I was praying the cats didn't find it before mom did. She eventually did and showed it to me. Super gross. That thing went in the trash ASAP. Not before I got a little emotional about it though thinking about how it was my lifeline to her for such a long time. Stupid hormones.
Well here are some pictures from the week. Thanks!
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| 1 Week Old! |
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| After a bath |
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| Holding her head up |
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| On our first walk |
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